


Soft Prongs

by flirtingwithfiction



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ASMR, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Both are Huge Dorks (love), Fake Relationship, High School, James is Ridiculous (complimentary), M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Pining, Severus is a Slut (complimentary), Sort Of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:33:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29504160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flirtingwithfiction/pseuds/flirtingwithfiction
Summary: James needs someone with uber long black hair to film this ASMR video. It couldn't be a girl. They need to have their top off and even though James is bisexual and prefers men or masculine presenting humans, girls are still weird as fuck about that shit. He'd ask Sirius but Sirius literally just cut all of his hair off for soccer season. James gets it, it's always still blazing in September when practices start.Which doesn't leave James with a lot of options. Well, it probably could have, if James would stop to think for longer than fifty-seven seconds at a time.But he doesn't.So, this is how he ends up being glared at by this short fucking shrimp."You want me to what?" Snape asks with a disbelieving scowl.
Relationships: James Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 53
Kudos: 138





	1. In the Beginning

James _needs_ someone with uber long _black_ hair to film this ASMR video. It can't be a girl. They need to have their top off and even though James is bisexual and prefers men or masculine presenting humans, girls are still weird as fuck about that shit. He'd ask Sirius but Sirius literally _just_ cut all of his hair off for soccer season. James gets it, it's always still blazing in September when practices start. 

Which doesn't leave James with a lot of options. Well, it probably could have, if James would stop to think for longer than fifty-seven seconds at a time. 

But he doesn't. 

So, this is how he ends up being glared at by this short fucking shrimp.

"You want me to _what_?" Snape asks with a disbelieving scowl.

"You heard me. _Please_ will you do it? I can't think of anyone else. I'll pay you! Or something. I don't-- do you _want_ money? I mean, I'm not really sure what the going rate is for that but, like, I'm sure we could work something out. Especially if you agree to do more than one video. Do you have plans after school today? I can drive you home after, if you need me to," James babbles, scrolling through his phone to make sure he didn't have any activities scheduled for after school.

"Potter, listen to me when I say this," James looks up from his phone. "You are the biggest asshole I have literally ever met. Why on fucking Earth would I agree to do this?"

"Well, I mean, money? An I owe you? Blackmail? I don't know. _Please_ , I promised to have the video up two weeks after they commissioned it and that's, like, tomorrow because I completely forgot. I mean, unless this is about you being uncomfortable with me because I'm bi. Which like, homophobia isn't cool so I'm not going to force myself to endure your presence if that's an issue."

Snape rolls his eyes and slams his locker shut, starts walking off but James follows after him. Seriously, James religiously posts on Wednesday's and if he doesn't get this video up after the guy had already fucking paid he was going to have to email the fuck head and that just was not on schedule for this evening.

"Potter, I'm fucking _queer_. Why would I have a problem with you being bi?"

"Oh! Sorry, surprisingly, or unsurprisingly?, there are _a lot_ of bigots at this school."

Snape snorts.

"Anyway, really. It's just one long video and you don't even have to show your face, you just, you know, get to sit there while I pamper you. _Please_ say yes. I'll buy you dinner and take you home after?"

Snape squints one eye near shut, the eyebrow above the other one quirks up, his nose crinkles, and his mouth twists up as if James is _so stupid_ he couldn't be real. James isn't stupid but he and Snape did not have the best track record. They'd fought like cats and dogs from kindergarten until eighth grade. James had literally bitten Snape in kindergarten and had the scar from where Snape scratched the ever-living fuck out of his leg after. It was, like, the size of a needle now but _still._ It really only got wildly worse and better from there. They somehow ended up in the same class every year of elementary school and the teachers had made sure to sit them on _opposite_ sides of the room for many years. Once they got to fourth grade, that went to shit and they were forced to sit next to each other all year until middle school. 

Middle school had been a weird time, they'd started having class changes with different students instead of lumped together with the same twenty students in the class. Even though it was _literally_ the same fucking school. Private school didn't make any fucking sense. But Snape and James had seven classes in a day, four of which were _together_. One of them being physical education, which James will admit, was really just a very terrible move on administrations half. James is, always had been, athletic and when puberty hit aggression and broad shoulders coupled with growth spurts, raging hormones, and a brief period of wrestling with his own identity in the face of someone unashamedly _different_ , Snape got his fucking ass handed to him every time he opened his skinny, short, scrawny fucking mouth in James's general direction. And going by how often it happened, Snape had never learned his lesson. By the time they were thirteen though, James had gotten bored with Snape and had started chasing skirts. And pants, really. He'd briefly dated Sirius in the eighth grade and that had been a bad decision all around. Even if he'd used Sirius to learn the foundations of giving really good head. Didn't matter. Snape.

Once in high school, and further separated by class choice and interests, they weren't around each other often enough to grate. This is probably the first time they've said more than six words to each other since they'd left the Wulfric Learning Academy and assimilated into the public school system of Hogwarts High School. 

"Fuck off," Snape tells him with a roll of his eyes.

James moves and stands in front of Snape, leaning against a set of lockers to make himself look smaller and to get closer to Snape's natural eye level.

"Look, _please_ , I'll do whatever you want--"

"Potter! Watch out!"

James straightens, realizes someone has full on thrown a fucking baseball in the hallway a split second before he reaches up, out, and catches what is apparently, an actual fucking _pitch_ in his bare hand. The smack against his palm is not a pretty sound. He grimaces as he tosses the ball back and nods at Parkinson when he yells his thanks.

"Where were we? Oh, yeah. Look, I really need you to do this. I'll do whatever you want or pay you whatever you want. It doesn't matter. I just _really_ need you to film this video with me, _please_?" James is pretty much whining at this point but his hand is starting to hurt by now and he really ought to go ice it. He hasn't punched anyone in _years_ but he is tempted to go hit Parkinson for doing this to him _now_ , when he needs to film himself using his fucking hands this god damned afternoon.

"How bad does that hurt?" Snape asks, eyeing his hand.

"Very terribly, if I'm honest. I'm just waiting for you to say yes so I can sneak into the cafeteria for some ice."

"And if I say no?" Snape asks, biting his lip now.

"We both know I'm not leaving you alone until you say yes."

Snape sighs and his shoulders hunch a bit.

"Yeah, I know. Alright, Potter, I'll do your stupid video. But come on, you don't have to go all the way to the cafeteria for ice. There's some here in the chem lab."

James sighs in relief on all fronts.

"You're really just saving my life today."

Snape snorts.

-

James has binaural mics set up in a way that the scratching of Snape's scalp is picked up as if James is scratching the _listener_. The only downside is they also pick up whenever Snape swallows but it's barely there and James could maybe, doubtful but no one said he couldn't try, edit it out later. 

Snape's hair is _stupid_ soft. Like, that shit is _ridiculous_. And longer than it ever was when they were in elementary and middle. Which is saying something considering Snape's hair has been long since they were five. But now it cascades down until just above the small of his back in long, straight, black strands. James has to be really careful with the comb as he keeps nicking it on the orbital piercing Snape has in his ear and Snape glares at him and huffs every time it catches. It's a lot easier to avoid it when he starts running his fingers through it. James wants to braid it. He considers ending the video that way. 

He decides to end the video that way. 

Snape doesn't complain about the braid, he mostly just looks very sleepy. James doesn't blame him, he can't imagine spending near over an hour and a half having someone scratch at your scalp _without_ getting sleepy. It's funny to see him like that, though, especially when he's been joking around with James periodically since they got to James's house. It's almost disappointing to realize Snape is fucking _funny._ Snape pulls his shirt back on and turns around in the chair to lean back in it while James opens up some editing software.

"James, dinner!" His mom calls from downstairs.

"Oh, shit, is it really dinner already? I'm so fucked for editing this shit. You hungry? I think my dad said he was making lasagna tonight. Otherwise, we can wait and I can take you out to get whatever you want after we leave here."

"Lasagna sounds fine. I haven't seen your parents in years. Unlike _you_ , they're not awful."

James pauses and stares at Snape for a moment and glares. Snape smirks at him and James gestures for them to head down the stairs with a sweep of his arm, elbowing Snape when they try to squeeze through the doorway at the same time. It _could_ be done, Snape's like five foot eight and _maybe_ a hundred and twenty pounds, but James and Snape have never made anything easy for each other. Why start now?

"Hey guys, Snape's over."

"Hello, Mrs. Potter, Mr. Potter."

James's parents freeze and stare at them.

"So good to see you, Severus. How's your mother?" James's mom says at exactly the same time James's dad asks, "James, what did you do _now_?"

"Nothing! I haven't done anything! Snape was helping me with some ASMR stuff," James insists while walking to the fridge to grab a can of coke. He turns to Snape, "Do you still only drink water?"

Snape nods and James pulls a bottle for him.

"She's fine, Mrs. Potter. Busy. They're in the process of tearing down the old one and rebuilding a new event center downtown. It's more intensive and taking longer than was anticipated."

"Oh, that sounds so exciting, though. Well, sit, sit. We're glad to have you here."

Dinner goes significantly more smoothly than James would have ever thought possible. It's a far cry from the school mandated 'reconciliation events' they'd been forced to participate in as children in a desperate effort to get them to stop antagonizing each other. James's mom and Snape's mom are still friends over the whole thing, though. They go to what James calls 'Best Friends Brunch' every other week. 

James's mom sends extra lasagna with Snape and then Snape is fiddling with the radio in the car while James drives him home. When Snape finds a station he seems to like, he instead fiddles with his watch or the rips in his knees. It's mostly silent but it doesn't feel weird. At least not to James.

James isn't always the best of judges for these things.

Snape lives less than ten minutes from the Potter's so it doesn't take long to get there at all. James pulls up to the little code box and looks to Snape.

"Seventy-two thirty," Snape tells him slowly, squinting in the dark, eyes flickering over the numbers and his fingers tapping against his thigh as if he doesn't remember the code so much as the position of his fingers when he puts it in.

Snape lives in one of those luxury townhomes inside of one of those semi-newly developed gated communities and James hadn't been there since they were twelve but remembers which one Snape's is fairly quickly.

"Hey, thanks for doing this. You never said what you wanted for it so we'll stick an I owe you on it for now. Just let me know, I guess. I'll send you a link when I post it so you can make sure I didn't stick your face in anywhere. Your number's not changed, has it?" 

"No. Thanks for dinner and the ride," Snape tells him and then slides out of James's Range Rover and into his house.

James spends far too long editing the stupid fucking video. He has to cut so much shit because they kept cracking jokes. Three hours of footage condensed down to an hour and a half. The other half is set in a folder called /CUT/ and he uploads the video, set to publish the following afternoon.

ASMR HAIR CARE AND SCALP SCRATCHING -- BINAURAL MICS FOR SOUNDS YOU CAN FEEL -- Hair washing, combing, drying + scalp/nape of neck/upper back scratching (NO TALKING) | SoftProngs ASMR

James goes to bed.


	2. And Then There Were Fans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really dialogue heavy. Apparently the bois rly wanna talk to each other and are making it hard for me to write the things around them. I'm choosing to imagine they're just that focused on themselves (and each other). I really appreciate all of the comments left on Chapter 1 and I hope Chapter 2 lives up to your hopes and dreams.

540 new comments.

It is fucking _Monday_. The fact that the video is still getting this many fucking comments is driving him batty. Five days is usually enough time to have them slowing down.

> _cheekybaby_ commented:
> 
> omg u and ur bf r SO cute 😍
> 
> _magicd1ck_ commented:
> 
> I wish someone would look at me the way Prongs looks at the dark haired person 🥺

> _g00dnyt3lyt_ commented:
> 
> stOooOOOoooOoOOoPppppPpp! I'm simping so HARD over your relationship 😭 MORE videos with ur SO plz

> _67843528dreamdaddy_ commented:
> 
> Prongs rly said 'look at how much I luv him, I braid his pretty hair'

> _54animationnerdstudios_ commented:
> 
> Does anyone else think those hands/that watch look like Tumblr user evedraws? Is it them? Are they dating Prongs?

> _HeatherMartiannnn_ commented:
> 
> _@hunkbaby_ why don't u look at me like this? 🥺😭💔
> 
> _Yummyeatsyourmoney_ commented:
> 
> Aksjdhdaksjdhak SOFTprongs is such an accurate name for u n ur bf

  
  
  


>>Potter, what the fuck is wrong with your subscribers?

<<They think we're soft. They've clearly never taken one of your elbows to the gut.

>>I need a ride to school.

<<Be there in ten.

"So, why don't you drive?" James asks when Snape hops into the passenger side of his car.

"I don't want to."

"Do you even have a license?"

"Nope. I don't like to drive, Potter. It makes me feel weird."

"Oh. Christ, that's--I don't even know how to respond to that. How do you normally get to school then?"

Snape huffs a laugh before answering.

"Depends. Sometimes I'll skate there, it's not far. Sometimes friends will pick me up. Lily had a doctor's appointment that she forgot about this morning and it's raining."

"That's your redhead neighbor? The one with the squeaky voice and sharp nails?"

Snape nods. Lily had once found James and Snape fighting on the side of his house and pinched James's arm while she shrieked at him. James _still_ finds it hilarious. At the time, Lily had been taller than _both_ of them, now she's just a couple inches taller than Snape. James is pretty sure she plays softball for the school and is dating Derek Meadowes's twin sister, Dorcas. Lily hadn't gone to WLA with them so James doesn't know her as well as he knows everyone that had gone with them.

"We've gotta pick Sirius, his brother, and Remus up, too. Si's mom took his car again."

Snape groans and buries his face in his hands. James laughs.

"He'll leave you alone, I promise. He'll probably be thrilled you're here so he can make out with Remus without me bitching about being ignored."

James picks Remus up first since he was farther out before doubling back to grab Sirius and Regulus. 

"Oh, hey, Sev. I didn't know you were gonna be here, too," Regulus greets.

Snape nods and waves, face in a book.

Sirius and Remus immediately start kissing behind James and James rolls his eyes and focuses on getting them to school, listening to the music on shuffle from his phone.

"Did you finish your experiment for microbio?" Snape asks.

"Fuck, no. I somehow contaminated several of the petri dishes so now I have to go back and do the whole fucking thing over," Regulus answers.

"What are you trying to do?"

"Trying to enrich and isolate lactic acid bacteria."

James has no idea what that means.

Snape wrinkles his nose, " _why_?"

"I thought it would be _easy_. But I isolated them and then contaminated them at some point after. What are you doing?"

"Using biochemical tests to identify bacteria."

James also has no idea what this means either. Regulus groans and James can see he's thrown his hands into his hair.

"Why didn't _I_ think of that?"

"Because you're an idiot, clearly. It only _sounds_ more complicated."

"Fuck you," Regulus pouts, throwing himself back in his seat and crossing his arms.

Snape laughs, "it's not _my_ fault you can't use your brain."

"Is that why you've not been wearing your nail polish?"

"Mmm. No good in the lab, even with gloves. Plus Sasser hates that I wear it all. Constantly tells me it makes me look like a girl."

Regulus snickers, "As if that's an insult to you. Did Dean Hurmen ever talk to him about pulling on your septum ring?"

"I don't know. All the same, I'm keeping it flipped up until Gremm comes back."

"Can't wait. I hate Sasser so much. I still can't believe he wrote you up for wearing a fucking dress. Did Dean Hurmen throw it out or are you going to have your mom contest it?"

Snape has always worn dresses and no one has ever given him a hard time for it. Since at least kindergarten. He just liked them and that was enough for everyone in a kindergarten class to be okay with it. It threw James that someone would suddenly find fault with the way Snape dressed. Or that he paints his fingernails more often than not, something he's always done since probably before kindergarten as well. James grips the steering wheel a little tighter. 

"Hurmen threw it out. Took one look at the length of my dress and said it wasn't even close to being a violation and tore it up. She did call my mom to tell her that one of the teachers at school is harassing me. She's pissed, of course. She's already filed a complaint against him with the county but I doubt it'll do anything."

"Jesus Christ. Sirius, if you elbow me one more fucking time, I'm elbowing _you_ in the skull."

Regulus and Sirius bicker for a few moments before Regulus turns back to Snape and begins talking supreme science nerd shit and Sirius goes back to macking on Remus. James lets it all wash over him as he finishes the drive to school, parking and watching in amusement as Regulus, Sirius, and Remus practically jump out of the car and make their way to the school. Snape is putting his book away. James takes a sip of his coffee and looks at him. Snape is chewing on his bottom lip with his sharp as shit canines and it makes James's belly do funny flips, his eyes following the movements. James snaps himself out of it and looks to Snape's eyes. Snape looks vaguely amused, quirks up an eyebrow.

"Is Lily able to give you a ride home? I've got practice after school at three thirty. I can run you home if I need to but I'll need to change first so that I can just run onto the field after."

"I think so. I'll let you know."

And then Snape is jumping out of the car and stalking off, waylaid by someone with blue hair and a tattoo of a chemical compound on the back of their neck. James doesn't know which one. James sits in the car and finishes the cup of coffee he'd brought and listens to some music until he's going to be late if he stays in his car any longer. He is so fucking tired it's nearly painful.

The day doesn't really get much better from there but at least it doesn't get worse.

>>Lily can't take me home.

<<Meet me by the gym locker room after classes let out.

James changes into his soccer practice clothes and shin guards. He puts his regular sneakers on since driving in cleats is hell. He ties them together at the laces and throws them over his shoulder, pockets his keys, phone, and wallet and slams his gym locker shut. Coach Eshaway is right outside the door when James comes out.

"Potter, where are you going?"

"Need to take him home," James tells him, gesturing to Snape, "bout ten minutes away. I'll be back by the time practice starts."

Eshaway narrows his eyes and points at James in the chest.

"If you don't come back, I'll have you running suicide drills every practice the rest of the week for leaving to fool around with your lil boyfriend. Got it?" Eshaway growls, jabbing his thumb in Snape's direction when he was referencing him.

James nods and elbows Snape when he sees Snape is smirking at him. When they get outside Snape casually says, 

"Leave practice to fuck your _little boyfriend's_ often, Potter?"

"Oh, fuck off. I haven't! It's just--" James feels a flush in his cheeks and shakes his head. "Eshaway just doesn't like when we have other things going on in our lives."

Snape's grin is like a Cheshire cats, his canines catching on his bottom lip but then he's pulling his phone from his pocket as they walk to the car. 

"Have you looked at these comments recently?" Snape asks, waving his phone as if James wouldn't know what he's talking about without it.

James unlocks the car and they pile in it before James bothers answering.

"Not since this morning. I was up really late last night and I keep losing track of my thoughts."

"They're only getting worse," Snape says and then scoffs at something on his phone.

James turns the engine over, waiting until Snape is buckled in before heading out of the parking lot to respond to him,

"Sorry. If I'd have known you'd be getting borderline harassed, I wouldn't have asked. Nobody should have to put up with that. Or, well, I dunno, maybe I still would've asked. I find the whole thing rather funny, if I'm honest. The first video I do with another person and you're _automatically_ my boyfriend. Insane but the comments I read this morning had me in stitches."

James grins, remembering some of the more bizarre ones he'd seen early that morning. Out of the corner of his eye, James catches sight of Snape's sharp canine digging into his lip hard enough to leave an imprint James could see when he starts talking.

"Asshole. But it's not anything I'm not used to, the rabid fanaticism. I do run an art account. And they did figure out it was me from my art videos, which has led to an influx of followers from parts of the internet I wasn't previously touching. Which is nice, I suppose. Though I keep getting requests for fandoms I'm not even _in_. And I've not even confirmed that it is me in your video."

James shudders. Snape's hand, with it's long, _long_ fingers, enters James's line of sight, fiddling with the radio as James continues down the main road.

"I hate that shit. I get requests for the weirdest fucking role-plays, more than half asking for my commission prices. It's so awkward having to tell people that _no_ , I'm not going to pretend to do something that's _clearly_ meant to be a sex thing in a video because they think it'll help them fall asleep faster."

Snape laughs, "you'll just be getting full on porn requests now that they think I'm your boyfriend. Why haven't you told them I'm not?"

James turns off onto the road that turns into Snape's neighborhood. He taps the code into the little numeric pad and as the gate swings open scoffs and says,

"Are you kidding? This is the best thing that's ever come from my doing ASMR. The comments are _hysterical_. I keep thinking of ways I can edge around giving an actual answer should I be asked directly in an Instagram live Q&A or something."

"Okay, that's fair. Some of those comments are the funniest fucking things I've ever seen. I read some of them in my free time they're so ridiculous _._ I've seen some crazy arguments on the internet before but there's an entire Twitter thread on whether or not you're the top or bottom. It's completely unhinged, the arguments get more and more ridiculous. Someone argued you're a top because you wear glasses. As if you don't have 'bottom' practically tattooed on your forehead directly above said glasses."

James's jaw drops a bit, pulling into Snape's driveway, "excuse me?! How would _you_ know whether or not I'm a bottom?"

He whips his head to look at Snape.

"We're boyfriend's, are we not?" Snape asks with a smirk, jumping from the car and disappearing into his house. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u can follow me on tumblr for more snape love flirtingwithfiction.tumblr.com <3


	3. Detention Leads to Sleepovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know what this is, I just had way too much fun.

James is chugging water and grabbing his backpack and gym bag from his locker, changing out of his cleats. He sits in his car going through his phone, waiting for Snape, who is in detention. Snape is the only kind of person that manages to get detentions on fucking Fridays. James decides to finally look at Snape's art Instagram, it's been three weeks since they posted the video and he still hasn't gone to look.

> [ _HeroicHela commented on evedraws photo:_
> 
> I bet u give him lousy head. He'd be so much happier with someone who can actually please him. ]

[Screenshot sent]

<<SNAPE WTF IS THIS?? You didn't tell me they were sending shit like this wtf

>>lmao that's one of the better ones, look at this one [photo attached]

> [ _FreakyForASMR6187 commented on evedraws photo:_
> 
> You don't deserve Prongs. He's SOFT and you're NOT. I bet you listen to death metal while he plays piano and ignore him when he tries to kiss you.]

>>I don't listen to death metal but I'm definitely not listening to you play piano and I ignore you every time you try to kiss me

<<I've never actually tried to kiss you

>>How would I know that?? I've been ignoring you when you try

>>Idiot

James rolls his eyes. He can't believe the internet is still freaking out about this, maybe it's because Snape hasn't been in another video since he'd posted the first one and they haven't addressed the boyfriend thing publicly.  But it's only been three weeks and some change since the first video. It makes him hesitant to post the bloopers video he'd promised, a six month compilation of his favorite fuck ups, some of which include the funniest jokes he and Snape had cracked while filming. He decides he's going to wait a couple more weeks before posting it. 

<<Wait, are you still in detention?

>>Yes

<<Are you almost done? I'm starving.

Snape doesn't reply but not even ten minutes later he jumps up into the passenger seat.

"Finally,  _ fuck _ . What did you even get detention for?"

Snape purses his lips and says, "you smell like sweat and grass. And I got detention for PDA."

James gasps dramatically, throws a hand out to the front of Snape's shirt and grabs a fistful, pulling him half over the center console.

"You're  _ cheating  _ one me?!" James cries, full pouty bottom lip emerging when he's done.

Snape is clearly trying not to laugh, his sharp canines are digging into his bottom lip with how wide his grin is, the tip of his tongue between the molars just next to one of them.

"Sorry. It was just a hug," Snape's voice is forty different levels of amused.

"Oh, Mrs. Mason gave it then?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, you're forgiven," James smacks a kiss to his bottom lip and lets go of him. "I'm still starving. Let's go get food."

Snape's rolling his eyes at his theatrics and buckling his seatbelt. 

"You need a shower, Potter. You smell."

"Fine, but will you go ahead and call in a pizza so it'll be at the house by the time I'm done?"

Snape orders a pizza and they're sitting at the kitchen island counter eating when James broaches the subject.

"Will you film another video? I think the one with you might be my most viewed video of all time now."

"Sure," Snape shrugs.

After they finish eating, James goes about setting everything up. He's double checking the feed to make sure Snape's face isn't visible from the angle he's chosen when Snape's phone rings.

"Hey mom."

James watches as Snape starts fiddling with his ear, rotating the circular piercing of his conch orbital piercing. 

"Yeah-- oh. Okay.

"Yeah, I'll make sure to lock up when I get home. 

"Yeah, okay. 

"No, I'm at Potter's house right now. 

"Mmm, I think so.

Snape starts to pace and he's biting his lip viciously while his mom talks to him.

"Yeah, I don't really care what his name is.

"It was fine. No, he didn't say anything. I  _ know _ that I should be able to wear and do what I want. It doesn't mean I  _ like _ getting in trouble for it. 

"I  _ know _ I haven't worn a dress or nail polish since I got written up. I'm just-- 

"Can we talk about this when you get home Sunday? 

"What? No, no. Yes? Okay.

"Yeah. If you see a black skater style or swing style skirt. Mine has a hole in it that I plan on patching but I'm going to patch it with a different color fabric so I still need a black skirt.

"Okay. Yeah. I will. I love you, too. Bye."

Snape hangs up on his mom and looks back over at James. James narrows his eyes at him.

"Why  _ haven't  _ you been wearing dresses and skirts?" James asks.

Snape shrugs, looks away.

"I don't feel like it?"

James picks Snape up and tackles him to the bed, straddles his hips and holds his arms down by his head. Snape raises an eyebrow at him and smirks.

"Regulus said one of your teachers was giving you a hard time about it.  _ My _ pretend internet boyfriend wouldn't care what some old piece of shit has to say about his outfits, would he?"

Snape looks away from James, he bites his lip. James grabs him by the chin and turns his head back, leans in close and asks, " _ would he _ ?"

"No," Snape responds softly. 

James smiles, smacks a kiss to the corner of his mouth, says  _ good _ , and climbs off of him. He returns to checking the video and sound feed while Snape seems to pull himself together. 

"Oh, since your mom's also apparently going to be out of town all weekend, you can stay here, if you want."

Snape scoffs, "you're just trying to get me in your bed, Potter."

"We can play Switch all night after we film this. I've  _ almost _ beaten Super Mario Brothers... I've got like six worlds left--"

"That is  _ not _ having almost beaten--"

"Anyways! You can help me get closer to beating it if I'm not dying and having to restart world's all the time."

"Potter--"

"Did you notice we have, like, eight hundred bottles of your favorite water? Which is..psychotic..by the way. Firstly that you even have a  _ favorite water _ but also that my parents love you so much they started stocking up the brand of water bottle you bring when you come over. They don't even do that for  _ me _ and they, like, raised me."

"Ugh, fine. It's weird being home by myself at night anyways."

"I fucking bet. I always have Sirius over when my parents go out of town, he's loud enough to make up for any lack of sound. We'll go grab you a bag of clothes and what not after I scratch your back up."

"You  _ are _ just trying to get me in your bed," Snape tells him with a smirk.

James feels himself blush and he glares at Snape before a grin splits his face and he simpers, "is it so wrong of me to want to sleep next to my boyfriend at night?"

Snape laughs and pulls his shirt off, settling into the chair. James starts the recording.

* * *

Snape's room looks  _ nothing _ like it had when they were twelve. There are beautiful prints of goddesses like Hecate and gods like Dionysus framed and hanging above the headboard of his queen sized bed. Some strange plants are growing vines that curl across the top of a dresser hugging one wall, a large collection of nail polish peeking in and out of the vines and leaves. A rather large plant hanging from the ceiling in a corner is drooping ropes of flora with massive leaves seemingly delicately poked into it's weaving down to the floor, framing a comfortable looking chair with a knit pouf in front of it. A floor length mirror stands tall between the chair and the dresser. A veritable army of shoes is stacked up the wall on the opposite side of the dresser, the shoes balanced on little teeny shelves like in a shoe store but infinitely more functional. 

Snape's bed isn't made, which shouldn't seem like something unusual to James, he could never be bothered to make his own. But for Snape, making his bed just seems like something he'd do. But he doesn't. The lavender colored sheets are a messy, tangled up pile in the bed, a black and white striped duvet hanging haphazardly off the side, a corner grazing the floor. There are two bedside tables, one has a BB-8 alarm clock next to a stack of well-loved books with a million little dog-eared pages in each. The other table has a lamp with small bees printed along the shade. Nothing in his rooms seems to have been picked to purposely go with anything else and yet it all fits seamlessly in.

Snape grabs a bag from under the bed and moves to the dresser to start withdrawing pieces from the drawers of carefully folded clothing. James moves the duvet and lies down on the bed, leaving his calves and feet hanging off the edge. He puts an arm behind his head and scrolls through the comments section on both his ASMR and Snape's art Instagrams and watches as more and more flood in. James's subscriber and follower counts had been rising at astronomical rates over the past week; the drama of an unannounced, unknown, unconfirmed boyfriend piquing everyone's interests. 

James puts his phone down when Snape straddles his hips, his phone poised in his hand. James looks up at him and smirks, drops his phone, puts a hand on Snape's thigh, and then drops his eyes to the rips his thumb is trailing over. James licks his lips and then smirks again. James won't deny he finds Snape absurdly attractive, even though he still fights the desire to pummel the fuck head sometimes.

"Taking pictures?" James asks.

"Yeah. Gonna post one to my art accounts Instagram stories, get them all riled up."

Snape sits back and scrolls through the pictures, gnawing at his bottom lip, looking unsatisfied. Snape cocks his head and looks at James.

"What?" James asks.

"It's missing something."

"What's it missing?"

"This," Snape murmurs and then he's kissing James.

Like full on kissing with tongue and teeth and James moans softly when those sharp canines tug at his bottom lip. Snape huffs a laugh,

"Yeah, knew you liked my teeth."

But Snape keeps kissing him until his lips are kiss bruised and bitten to swelling before he kisses down James's neck and bites down, sucking the skin into his mouth and laving his tongue over it. James's hand tenses around Snape's thigh and he groans, he's always been a sucker for teeth on his neck. 

"Should probably tell you that unless you're trying to get me hard, you should leave my neck alone," James pants out, moving the hand out from behind his head to hold Snape's other thigh.

Snape grins against his throat, leans back, cocks his head again, and then slots his lips back over James's. James's head is positively _ swimming. _ Snape is really just inordinately good at kissing. James really should've expected it, Snape has a bit of a reputation for sleeping around, but he'd also not really been expecting Snape to kiss him. This is far beyond any of the smacking kisses James had given him for fun, this is like 'we're about to fuck' kissing. But James doesn't think Snape is actually trying to sleep with him so he's  _ really  _ trying to keep his head.

Snape pulls back and his phone is posed over James again. James smirks but feels like he's about to break into laughter, he can't believe Snape just kissed him for pictures. Well, yes, he can. Snape always surprises James. Snape moves angles several times, tapping different parts of his phone, changes orientation, more tapping. James just keeps watching the smaller teen, sometimes the phone, he sticks his fingers into the edge of one of the rips in Snape's jeans and licks his lips, looking back up to Snape and wanting to kiss him again. Snape eventually turns the phone to James to show him the photo. 

James is surrounded by a glow of soft light around him, eyes half lidded as if he's extremely satisfied, a smirk on kiss bitten lips, a hickey blooming on the side of his neck. It's very tastefully artsy or whatever. James has no idea, all Instagram photos tend to look the same to him. Snape's Instagram stories fade into another one of him, he's surrounded by the same soft glow, it's a silent video this time though. James's eyes flicker from where they'd been looking at Snape's thighs up to the camera, licking his lips as his eyes move and it just repeats on loop. That is-- practically cable network porn. Snape tosses his phone to the bed and then leans back over James.

"You've not had sex with very many people," Snape observes.

"Just two people. And from what I've heard, you've had a bunch of sex with lots and lots of people," James responds, a teasing grin on his face.

"Does that bother you? That I've been with a lot of people?"

"Should it?" James asks, schooling his features into a very serious look.

Snape looks at him like he's lost his fucking mind. James grins.

"You've come into the wrong relationship if you're expecting me to slut shame you."

"I--" Snape starts but he ends up snapping his mouth shut and pulling James into another kiss. 

James just laughs against his mouth and wraps one of his hands around the back of Snape's neck. 


	4. The One Where James Has Spectacularly Poor Impulse Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More things, send professional help  
> also thank you to everyone for leaving comments and kudos, they mean a lot <3<3

On Tuesday, James sees Snape at his locker after lunch and goes to say hi and let him know he's going to post the new video the following evening. 

"Hey, I'm going to-- you are wearing a skirt. A really, really short skirt."

James swallows at the sight of Snape in a black box pleated mini skirt that starts at his belly button and hits just above his mid thigh. Snape has a black sweater tucked into it and a belt with a silver o-ring for a buckle. James can't stop staring at his thighs.  _ Fuck _ , when he'd encouraged Snape to keep wearing skirts he'd not been thinking about how fucking  _ sexy _ Snape would look in them. James's tongue wets his bottom lip as his hand moves to the hem of his skirt, fingers skimming across the soft skin of Snape's thigh before Snape smacks his hand. James looks up in shock, he'd not planned on touching Snape but that doesn't mean he doesn't still  _ want _ to. So James pouts at him but Snape raises an unamused eyebrow.

"Weren't you  _ just  _ complaining about me having detention for PDA and now you're just going to stick your hand up my skirt in front of the whole school? You've not even taken me on a  _ date _ , Potter." Snape smirks at him, clearly joking but James wants to play, too.

James closes one eye, cocks his head, and purses his lips as if contemplating the answer.

"It's not  _ my _ fault I was assigned a boyfriend that looks really fucking good in skirts. And you want me to take you on a date? I'll take you on a date," James leans forward to whisper in his ear, eyes still going to Snape's fucking thighs in a mini skirt. 

Snape blushes his anime schoolgirl blush and James wonders what he would look like if he bent James over and fucked him while wearing this exact skirt. James inhales sharply and Snape, almost as if he knows exactly what James is thinking, grins his wide Cheshire grin with his teeth catching on his bottom lip and his tongue peeking out and looks disturbingly amused. James finds it funny that Snape blushes over James saying he'll take him on a date but when it becomes about sex, Snape is all grins and cheeky amusement. 

"I originally came over here to tell you that I'm going to post that new video tomorrow night. So, be prepared for more mass hysteria from the internet."

Which turns out to be far more relevant than either of them were accounting for. 

>>Can you take me home?

<<Yeah.

>>Did you see this? 

Snape sends a link to a tweet with a video. Someone in school took a video of James's hand creeping up Snape's skirt and Snape smacking his hand, James leaning in to whisper in his ear, the fucking hickey on the side of James's neck is apparent even from the distance. Snape's face manages to stay out of view, blocked by either his long hair, James, or looking into his locker. The tweet itself says:

> _Soft Prongs loves his bf in a skirt_ _#evedrawsprongs_.

<<I'm blaming you and your kissing skills.

>>If you go back over the video, you'll see it's YOUR hand going up MY skirt. Not the other way around

>>Try again

<<Poor impulse control? And my pretend internet boyfriend has really hot thighs?

>>Warmer

<<My pretend internet boyfriend's thighs in a skirt are so sexy I literally couldn't control myself and HAD to touch them 

>>...

>>Yeah alright, I'll take that

When Snape gets in the car James is tapping at the steering wheel. 

"I feel like I should say sorry," James says aloud.

"For what?" Snape immediately starts fiddling with the radio.

"Well, is our internet drama relationship going to put a damper on your, well, yeah, well, your sex life? I mean, uhhh, obviously some of your partners won't know or, er, whatever but some are going to see us, like, um, together all over the internet and, like, well, not be cool with you cheating, I'd think? Even if it's, well, not really cheating since we're um-- and then what if one of them posts something thinking they're exposing you as-- can you help me out here or you just gonna stare at me like this while I flounder and panic?" James asks, exasperated and positively refusing to look in Snape's direction.

"Yeah, probably. But it's not going to be a problem. I've been-- taking a break? That's probably the best way I'm going to word that. I haven't had sex in something like five or six months," Snape tells him.

"I want to ask why  _ so _ badly but it's not my business."

"Isn't it? We are pretend internet boyfriends, after all."

"Snape, even if we were for real boyfriend's  _ why _ you don't want to have sex right now  _ still  _ isn't my business. All I need to know is that you don't want to."

"How is it that you spent eight years of our lives enacting physical violence every time I opened my mouth but turned out to be like this?"

"Listen, you still make me want to resort to physical violence sometimes. I just have better impulse control--" --Snape snorts-- "--I said better not perfect, shut up. It's easier to ignore the want to punch you when I can just tease you about being my boyfriend instead."

"Is that why you won't look at me right now? You're, like, the king of intense stares. It feels weird to talk to you without one."

"No."

"Then what's your fucking problem?" Snape sounds irritated.

James turns to look at him, to start a fight, really. He likes when he gets to fight Snape, always has. But when he looks at Snape he remembers why he's meant to be  _ not _ looking at him and his really terrible impulse control has him moving his hand. James shoves the hem of Snape's skirt a bit which startles the other boy and James grabs the fleshy inside of his thigh and squeezes. 

"Oh," Snape says softly and then he's climbing over the center console.

Snape straddles James's lap, plopping himself down onto James's thighs and wriggling around as if to get comfortable.

"Are you trying to get me to hit you?" James mutters, both hands now grabbing handfuls of Snape's thighs. 

"Not today," Snape says before pulling James into a slow kiss.  
  
  


* * *

<<Hey I'm picking you up in an hour

>>What

>>Why

>>Where are we going

<<Out to eat

>>Okay

<<Here

>>Come inside, doors open, I'm finishing something up for my mom  
  


James walks inside and finds Snape at the kitchen table, a sewing machine set up. His hair is flowing down his back but there's a big braid holding the strands that would normally fall into his face. James can't help but touch it, it's pretty in his hair and James tugs it gently before just running his fingers along it.

"What're you doing?" James asks.

"She ripped the zipper of her dress so I'm fixing it. She has a date tonight."

"Aw, you and your mom are both going on dates. That's really cute."

"What? No-- oh. This is a date?"

"I told you I'd take you on one like almost a month ago, didn't I?"

"I thought you were joking."

"Be a pretty shitty boyfriend if I never take you on a date, though. Especially since we've been boyfriend's for almost  _ two _ months. Think we should do one of those lame monthiversary posts?" James teases him and tugs at his braid again.  
  


James can tell Snape is blushing as he makes a derisive sound in the back of his throat. Snape lifts the foot and cuts the thread. He yells for his mom in Spanish. James, for all the times in all the years he spent as a kid hearing them speak Spanish to each other, can only pick out tidbits like  _ dinner _ and he thinks vestido means dress but he isn't ready to bet money on it. Snape's mom yells something back and James understands her even less, muffled as she is through the house, but Snape seems to have heard her just fine as he gets out of the chair and moves to take the dress upstairs before coming back downstairs a few minutes later.

James takes Snape to a local little Japanese restaurant where they order more sushi than is perhaps reasonable and a plate of fried rice to share. Snape is ridiculously good with chopsticks and can even eat the rice with them. James can eat anything  _ but _ rice with chopsticks and Snape is teasing him for it.

"How can you eat everything but rice with them? It's not like the concept changes just because it's rice," Snape points out.

"Yes, it does," James insists petulantly.

"If you say so," Snape murmurs before taking another bite of sushi.

"I do," James says and then, because Snape is chewing and raises a shitty looking eyebrow at him, "Maybe it's because my fingers are short and yours are stupid fucking long."

Snape grins and James knows he's going to say something ridiculous next.

"All the better to finger you with."

"What are you, the big bad wolf?" James asks, though he knows he's blushing, shifts in his seat.

"Why? Want me to eat you, too?" Snape asks before shoving another piece of sushi in his mouth.

" _ Severus _ ," James hisses, cheeks hot.   
  


James has a brief moment where he wishes this relationship were real because  _ fuck _ , he wants Snape to eat him out but he's not going to ask when he doesn't even know if Snape is attracted to him beyond sometimes making out. James hasn't had sex in what is starting to feel like a fucking long ass time. He last had sex in February and it's October now. James really isn't one to seek out random hookups either, he's only had sex with two people and one was an ex and the other was Sirius's little brother, Regulus. Which is something they've both gone to extreme lengths to keep from Sirius himself. 

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time James has had this thought but it is the first time it's been solely sex related. James doesn't think Snape would be nearly as interested in humoring James over these things like a date, their impromptu make out sessions, lots of cuddling, and sleepovers if he thought James was doing them because he's interested in and attracted to Snape.

"Hm?" Snape hums, still chewing but clearly smirking.

"I hate you so much," James mutters before taking a bite of sushi, too.

"Mmm, so nothing's changed," Snape says, leaning forward. "You coming upstairs when we get back to my house?"

James glares at him and petulantly says, "Maybe. I haven't decided yet."

Snape huffs a laugh and says quietly, "think I can get you to say my name again?"

James blushes wildly and glares harder, presses his lips together. 

"Completely shameless," James mutters.

Snape winks at him.   
  


James, despite telling Snape he's not decided, has definitely decided he's going upstairs after they leave. He's only slightly addicted to having Snape kissing him the way he does. Snape is just so fucking good at it and he's constantly pulling James into those addicting kisses. James has been covered in hickeys for  _ weeks _ , which isn't making any of it less addicting. James has had way too many orgasms lately thinking about the way Snape's teeth feel on him. Snape, yet again, looks as if he knows exactly what James is thinking and is all grinny. James slots their legs together under the table and it's enough to have the situations reversed. For all his ease in riling James up with sex, it's clear Snape is uncomfortable with casual intimacy and anything related to dating and relationships. James is determined to change that, even knowing it would never benefit him personally.

Snape would never give James the time of day if he thought this were for any reason other than a joke. James's stomach twists uncomfortably as he looks at Snape's grinning face.  _ Fuck _ , how did it come to this? It's been a month and a half since he posted the first video and every single day since then James finds himself more and more attracted to Snape. It's a disaster waiting to happen, really. Snape's having fun teasing him, humoring him, and James can feel himself getting far too involved. 

James hasn't ever been cautious a day in his life, though.

Most especially with Snape. 

And he really isn't going to start now.

James pays for dinner and holds Snape's hand the whole way out of the restaurant. Snape is blushing the whole time and even more so when James opens his car door. James drives them back to Snape's house and goes upstairs.

James kicks his shoes off and lays down in Snapes's bed, scrolls through his phone as Snape does something in the kitchen. When Snape comes upstairs, James is expecting him to straddle him like he usually does but Snape shoves his legs apart and settles between them. James gulps and Snape smirks and then he's pulling James into a leisurely kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at https://flirtingwithfiction.tumblr.com/


End file.
